For the love of phospholipids and the like...

For those of you who do not know, phospholipids are the molecules which from the membranes of the cells of which compose our bodies (as well as many other things). A phospholipid is composed of two fatty acids (a fatty acid is a hydrocarbon with an alcohol group attached) and a phosphogroup. The phosphogroup is considered the head of the molecule and it is hydrophilic, while the fatty acid chains are hydrophobic. Multiple phospholipids, when they come together, align themselves up head-to-head and chain-to-chain forming a sort of layer. If you get enough of these together, a cell membrane will form.

All of this is being said, because, for one, I have been learning a lot about them lately and for two, its simply amazing how something that seems so simple is quite complex and takes many circumstances and processes in order to take place. Now this sort of discovery has occurred within only the past few centuries, but have existed for millenia. So you tell me, if we were meant to have evolved by our own accord over many billions of years, knowing what we need to do to ourselves in order to survive, how is it that we only just figured this out about ourselves? This is probably a stupid question, but how exactly did an atom know that it would need electrons, neutrons and protons in order to function properly? Or that an oxygen knew that it would need hydrogen in order to form the life sustaining liquid dihydrogen monoxide (aka. water)?

Another thought, if one believes the first law of thermodynamics to be true (that matter can neither be created, nor destroyed), how can you prove that something just exploded into existence?

It just seems to me, that for beings that had to use some sort of intelligence (or innate ability) in order to evolve into the vastly superior beings which we are, it take many years of research in order even somewhat understand the basics which support the existence of life. Perhaps I am just rambling incoherently, but this theory seems like a poorly constructed argument in order to explain away the existence of something superior to ourselves. Just a thought...

Well... that's enough thinking for a Sunday. Be diligent and diligently be...

Life is just speeding past...

I thought that the summer went by quickly, but man is this semester just flying by. It's weird that I feel like I am still trying to find a sort of routine at this point. Seriously, it has been over a month now. Crazy huh?

People always say, in one form or another, to capture the moment or to seize the day, but how does one exactly do that when every moment of every day has to be planned out in order to provide maximum efficiency? By the time things have finally settled down in the evening, its time to go to bed. And not only are days planned out to the nines, but weeks tend to be the regular routine with which the daily routines settle into. It is near impossible to simply think about one day at a time if one wants to be able to get things done in a timely fashion.

Its simply mind-boggling how fast the time passes by...

Other then this, life is going splendidly well, despite a few hiccoughs along the way. Having the roommates that I do and the people that I love supporting me, has been such a blessing. Not only that, but somehow I am managing to stay on top of everything, while at the same time maintaining the friendships and relationship that I am a part of (which isn't usually a problem, but sometimes I just scare myself into time management). After my first round of tests in a couple of my classes, I feel a bit more confident about the outcome of this semester.

In general, I am content and happy with how things are going (if you didn't get that from the last paragraph). Yup! So, peace out!

...and the rest came...

Yesterday was a relieving day of sorts. Improvement was seen as well as a form of acceptance that I never expected to come. And the most beautiful part about it was that I didn't need to do a thing, but just listen to what she had to say. I know it's not going to be easy, but I have a feeling that it may go better this time around.

Why can't I find the rest I need?

This is going to be another sleepless night. My body is tired, but my thoughts keep on running wild. Why the hell is this bothering me so much? It's just one of those situations where you can't bear to not do something because of what may happen, but a the same time can't figure out what to do. I am so impatient for the answer that I am seeking from the Lord.

Why does this keep on going? How would something like this play into God's perfect plan?

There are so many different ways it is playing out in my head, yet I feel like the outcome would be the same everytime. Why do I get the feeling that it would be like talking to a wall? A wall that feels like no one friggin' understands what's going on and continues to dwell on it no matter what people say? People have been talking to this wall for quite some time now, but nothing helps.

I suppose the reason why I am losing sleep is because I am trying to figure out a sure-fire way to reach into someone's soul and shake it awake. To spark some conviction to change these habits. To show how silly all of this is.

But I can't do a thing, because it has to come from within... There it is. The realization that I can't do one thing to make a difference, only God can do that. Only God knows all the workings of the human heart. Only God can tear down that wall that so many people have attempted to break.

This is one of those moments when you realize how feeble we are as human beings. How little we can do without the grace of God. I know from my own life that I have no strength to stand up on my own. This, of course, is also one of those times where you recognize that only individuals can understand that when they see it in their own lives. You may believe me when I say it, but until, in your own time, you truly see it for yourself, you won't really believe me. I'll just be one of those people that "preaches" at you.

Well, whatever this is, it is by no means a sermon. Just someone letting out the thoughts that are preventing them from resting peacefully.