Swallowed Whole

These past couple of days have just been weird for me; I don't quite understand it all. I feel like the change of weather has made me slip into a more lethargic state, which scares me. This was the first symptom that I felt last year during this time, and it did not lead down a good road. I can feel myself slipping into the bad habits that I've been working so hard to shake off.

The air here feels so closed off. I can't see the sun go down. I don't see the beautiful terraine of mountains. I'm searching for the beauty in this, but it's so hard when the wind blows and you have to look down in order to see where you are going.

I feel restricted. Like I can't do what I want to. I can't feel what I want to. It's weird, because no one has told me anything, I just expect their reactions to be against what I want. Perhaps I'm just paranoid then....

My body seems to be screaming for mercy right now. All the stress of this year is building up in my back, and there is no release.

*sigh*

I don't even want to finish this blog now, so maybe later.... (this would be the entire attitude that I'm fighting against....)

Please pray for me........