to answer or to not answer, that is the question

Have you ever been asked a question numerous times, where the answer, no matter how creative you get, makes people feel awkward, think they offended you or brought up bad memories, wish they didn't bring it up? One of those questions, that no matter how you answer it or side-step it, you know they are going to feel bad about it and not know how to react? And then, when you answer the question truthfully, people say "oh, i'm SO sorry" as if you were going to start crying at the mere mention of it. And then you try to make them feel better by saying, "it's ok, really" and they strongly disagree.

Funny thing is, I always feel like I led them into a trap when they do ask me this question. It's not intentional, it's just how I keep things alive in my memory. But some people catch on to the "was", and then they ask about the "now". I still don't know how to respond properly. I hate seeing the expression people give me when they for the first time know, but only because I felt like I tricked them into asking that question, which I don't.

Perhaps I should take a poll asking what would be the best way to answer the question, because honestly, I'm still at a loss...

In other news, last night people told me that I should stop thinking about Spring and what it was like, because it's going to be a long time before it gets here. Sure, it makes sense, but that happy thought and feeling is something that I'm looking forward to, and I don't want to forget what it was, otherwise I'm just going to lose site of what's to come.

Should that possibly be our attitude all the time, especially in times of darkness? To choose to hold on to memories of the good things in a hopeful way, as opposed to bitterness for the way things are now. Sure, we don't know when it's going to get better, but that's where hope and faith that it will get better keeps us going.

If we don't have positive hope for the future, then what are we living for?

So... I will conclude with some words of wisdom from Journey:

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to that feelin'