Filibuster [of sorts]

Right now, at this very moment [and for the past few hours], I want to see someone. Someone in particular. I can't really say that I miss people right now, because I don't really want to go back to school yet, but I do want to see this person.

Don't really know why...

I keep on going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth... for the past few months... [it's a wonder that I'm not seasick.]

My mind keeps on changing, and hearing things helps to change my mind.

Honestly, I don't know what I want or what I need. A few vague ideas come to mind and are rather important to me, but other than that...

One moment I think I know what I need to do, then the next, the decision has changed.

This would be why I haven't really done or said anything these past couple months, in hopes that the answer would come in one way, shape or form, and that there would be no question whatsoever that that was the right way to go.

I really just want to talk it out with this person, but I don't know if that would be appropriate since I feel we are just surface level friends at this point.

Constantly, it's being given over to God, and I trust in him, but there seems to be no answer to the prayers. One day I think there is, the next it seems so far from it.

*ugh*

Sometimes I find myself wanting to say certain things, but catch myself just in time.

This seems to just be dragging out... I keep on hoping time will reveal an answer, but it's been such a long time it feels, and nothing seems to be any clearer than when it began.

...

I feel silly.