And it all started with wanting some punch.....

So this weekend proved to be quite an interesting one, and not the kind of interesting that would put one in a good mood. Details are not necessary in order for me to express my true feelings about what is going on. Many of these feelings are the similar to what previous blogs have asserted, but this weekend led to a colliding of these emotions. I think right now I'm emotionally unstable anyway... But no matter.......

First Expressed Frustration:
I think I've decided that I am sick of being angry with my ex. I'm just holding on and holding on to whatever bit of anger that I still have, and it is eating at me and beginning to affect my experiences with other people. I don't want to be angry, but for some reason it's still there. I don't have feelings for him anymore, so why am I holding on?

Second Expressed Frustration:
I am still caught in the middle about this entire new guy stuff. Yes, there it is, I admit it, there's another guy. But people keep on telling me things, and these are people that are close to me and to him. I am growing quite tired of not being able to do what I want to do, which would be to go wherever I want to without worrying about who may be there. It's truly getting to me, and I am sick of it. I am sick of hearing that I shouldn't go places or whatever. Well, I am not necessarily hearing this, but I feel the subtle hints. Whenever they see it, I know what they are thinking. It makes me a bit angry.

Third Expressed Frustration:
I am not going to do anything about the previous frustration this semester. People don't understand that. People don't understand that I am not going to date anyone for a while, until I am ready. But they seem to be thinking that I am leading him on. Well, if I am, it is unintentional. And the method they are proposing that I use to stop it is not in my taste. I don't like being passive aggressive and I don't like ignoring people that I like, even if they are just friends. I won't do it. I would much rather just talk it out with that person, then to let them learn the hard way. It would be easier, I think.

Fourth Expressed Frustration:
Then again, it may not be all that easy for him to truly understand that I don't want anything right now. People tell me that I need to be blunt. Ok, I get that, I'm not stupid. But I'm still hung up on getting people's approval........

Fifth Expressed Frustration:
I just want this semester to be over with. That will give me the opportunity to recover from all of this. It is really getting to me now, and this past week has been nothing other than thinking about this and everything piling on top of it. I can't think about anything outside of this. I can't focus on my homework. I can't sleep properly anymore. And today I realized that all of this is causing me to lose my appetite. This sort of cycle happened last year, but right now I'm at the point where I don't want to do anything about the 3 afore mentioned frustrations because it will just add more stress and all I want to do is to make it through this semester.

I am growing weary of all of this...... My energy is draining........ Please just make it all stop........ my thoughts, my anger, my frustration........ make it all go away............

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One thing that I am not worried about is the fact that it is not out of control. This would be because God is working in this situation. I am constantly giving it over to Him, because I know that I am not able to handle it. Keeping this in mind helps me to relax just a bit, and I am so grateful for it.