My Existence

Generally, I am not happy with myself. Not just one aspect either.... There's so much to it, and there's no way of making this sound like I don't hate myself, which I don't, I'm just unhappy with how a lot of things are going.

I hate writing the word "I" so many times. It makes me realize that I am losing sight of all the other people out there. There are so many other people, and I love to talk to them about the good and the bad that is going on in their lives. I love asking them how they really are doing, and being there for them when they need to let everything.

I hate that I like to talk about myself. Talk about all of my problems. Then I expect those people that I am making listen to all of this to help me and give me advice. How silly and selfish.

I hate being subtle about the things I do say about myself, and then when people ask I don't really want to say, because they are really paying attention. I don't want to say because then I feel like I tricked them into asking me about it, so it's not necessarily a genuine concern.

I hate not being genuine and truthful. Like when I tell the same story twice, but it's always got a bit of a difference, making it sound worse than what it really is.

I hate that I let things slide. I don't take care of myself, my relationships with people, my developing relationships with people. I feel too worn out to care about what my actions may mean. I feel too tired to constantly keep my gaurd up against sin. I feel too drained to continue working on my own spiritual battles.

I hate seeing myself go down a road that I never thought I would travel down. I have been making choices that are of my own sinful indulgences. This only shows that I have given up on caring about it, for the time being.

I hate knowing exactly what I need to do to get out of this hole that I am digging for myself. My attitude, my drive, my character has taken a dip and just levelled off there.



....the count: 35 uses of the word "I"....